Know Your Mojo

You just got dumped by your husband of 21 years for his assistant, so what do you do? After a debilitating divorce, one of the first powerful urges most people feel is to be with someone new as soon as possible. Dating sites are ubiquitous with Match, eHarmony, JDate, Christian Singles and even FarmersOnly.com. Your single girlfriends are bound to be clamoring for you to go out to the most happening bars, but before hitting the tantalizing dating scene, it is important to determine what you are looking for so that you will have greater success in finding it.

 Consider the following options:

1. Just a hook up. Let's face it, after years of having sex with the same man or woman, you may just be looking for a change. Perhaps you are seeking an encounter with no strings attached. After all, The New York Times recently documented that some college girls are mirroring male behavior by only being interested in hooking up with a guy rather then having an actual relationship. Perhaps you are, too.


2. Serial dating. One of the joys of having a plethora of relationship sites available is that going out on a bunch of dates is very easy to do. It is especially empowering to be in the driver's seat if you have just been dumped after a long term relationship or marriage, so many people just want to have fun and keep it light. After all, there's no rush to commit again. Some prefer just to date, and want nothing more.


3. The allure of youth. After divorce, many women and men want to feel more vibrant so they pursue younger partners. Your friends may tell you how good you look, but you may not feel as good about yourself until you have a younger significant other. The stereotype that men seek much younger women has held true for eons, but girls search for younger guys quite often, as well.


4. The monogamist. Some people are just wired to remain loyal to one person, so they enter the dating scene in pursuit of "The One," as Ted Mosby of How I Met Your Mother would say. After a marriage dissolves, many people feel in a rush to be married again. Hence, the even higher failure rate for second marriages that is often mentioned in the press. For those individuals, while it is difficult, it is crucial to remain patient. Undoubtedly, finding a new long term partner will take time.

Know who you are and set your expectations accordingly. If you make decisions that suit your dating goals, then you will be much more likely to find happiness.